Commerce! Fraught with financial fervor, our fearless fellows find a planet festooned in festive finery! Mandalore, once a proud military juggernaut, forewent the path of war in favor of diplomatic pacifism. In the age of the Galactic Empire, this proud people is little more than an accessory to Palpatine’s will. This predicament, however, comes with some benefits, as Mandalorians are currently enjoying Shelova Week, with a massive music festival. Among those bands is the piratical Kaiburr Crystals, who share a mysterious past with none other than former ExplorCorps adventurer Lyntel’luroon. Will our heroes be able to make and move credits to cash in on their labors? Can Lyntel face her past? And…is it a sex thing?
The crew of The Mynock leaves their ship and chooses clever “fake” names on the spot when a blonde dockworker approaches and asks if they work for Sugar Deathray. Tryst chooses Mark Hamill, Bacta elects to be Harrison Ford, and Leenik decides to be Carrie Fisher.
(Tryst urges him to spell it K-E-R-R-Y to be gender appropriate, but Leenik refuses. The pun works best since he’s a Rodian roadie and will be carrying things.)
The dockworker seems suspicious, so Tryst quickly asks his name. When he pauses, Tryst says, “See? Everybody says their name slow. Because names are hard!”
Lyn exits the ship, calling out their real names, and is immediately assigned “Chewie, because you’re chewing gum." She refuses the pseudonym Peter Chewbacca Mayhew, and instead chooses Billie Dee Williams — spelled with an I-E to be gender appropriate.
Lyn adamantly refuses to attend the concert. The guys are equally uncompromising that she must. They split up: Leenik and Lyn to find a place to sell their contraband (armed with an inventory that Tamlin checked, with Tony’s help), and Bacta and Tryst to find a place to sell their guns.
Tryst’s first action is to buy some gin for the walk to the gun store district. When he is carded, he and Bacta create a scene, calling the clerk a racist. Tryst challenges him to a fistfight; they are thrown out of the store, and they leave, Tryst stealing a bottle of gin. (Thanks to some advantages and a triumph, the video surveillance cameras were not functioning during the 30-second misadventure.)
Meanwhile, in the district rumoured to buy and sell contraband, Lyn and Bacta have encountered a two-headed Troig with an eyepatch. After Leenik and George Lucas/Johnny Appleseed exchange winks (that neither can see, concealed by eyepatches as they are), they negotiate the sale of a few death sticks. Lyn is obviously not “cool” and insults the Troig. Leenik, however, has a connection with him, and they arrange to meet later at Warehouse 8 (though they say Warehouse 7 loudly, since Lyn is obviously not trustworthy.) “She walks like a narc,” George Lucas says, as Lyn stalks toward them. “No, she’s cool,” Leenik tries to assure him.
Tryst and Bacta, in the meantime, have entered the first gun store; obviously a decent, respectable place, they are referred to three other gun stores which should be able to help them as they attempt to sell their guns (stolen from mercenaries, thus with no papers.) Their choices are: Guns Guns Guns 2, Zammo for Dogzzz, and If You’re Not In First, You’re In Blasters.
Guns Guns Guns 2 appearing to be the most legitimate illegal shop, Tryst and Bacta enter, to find yet another two-headed Troig. One of the heads is named Framboise, and in a loud, high-pitched voice, Framboise flirts badly with Tryst, “Are you trying to seduce me?” To which Tryst answers, “What gender are you? You know what? No!”
They successfully negotiate a price (70 percent of market value) and arrange to meet later that night. Framboise promises to wear something a little more comfortable and tells Tryst, “I love you!”
Lyn and Leenik, duties completed, have commenced shopping. Leenik approves Lyn’s choice of a purple and green cloak. Leenik is helped by Dontrice, who with great enthusiasm finds first a gaudy purple velour hat (“You hate it”) and then three pairs of dark wash 508 jeans (discontinued in the rest of the galaxy — not on Mandalore!) in Leenik’s size. He declares, “This is the best day of my life.”
Lyn and Leenik take a break at one of the 20 fro-yo shops in the mall, and the conversation becomes quite personal. Lyn learns that Leenik wears his eyepatch not out of necessity, but as a choice. When pressed, he admits, “It helps me cope. It’s tough out there.” Obviously emotionally overwrought, he refuses to elaborate.
They realize they need to buy concert attire for the entire crew, so a shopping montage ensues. Dontrice helps, admitting, “The shop closed two hours ago; I’m being a silly bitch and having a Me Day.” Leenik chooses a vest to wear with no shirt. Dontrice offers sleeves that look like tattoos, but Leenik is adamant. “I want a real one.” Lyn finally says, “Let’s do this!” And Dontrice agrees, “All right! Let me close up the store!”
Bacta and Tryst head over to the concert grounds to get a parking spot and their passes validated. They reduce the teenaged assistant to tears, at which point he gives them a parking space and passes for Sugar Deathray’s road crew.
At the tattoo artist’s store, Leenik has chosen “Tony’s Mama.” The tattoo artist barely touches him with the initial marking pen and Leenik cowers, recoils, and says, “I’ll take it,” and they leave -- with no tattoo.
The crew meet up at the concert grounds. Tryst eagerly opens the bag of concert gear, and takes out the first outfit. “I don’t know what to say!” It is Bacta’s tuxedo with pink tie, combat boots with pink laces, and pink matching shutter shades. (They purchased a tiny matching outfit for Tamlin.) Next — it is Tony’s spike collar. Finally, Tryst pulls out his leather kimono skorts (which has flames on the bottom and a Chinese dragon on the back.) Tryst immediately tears out the skorts seam to allow him maximum comfort when crowd surfing. He puts it on right then and there, with his leather duster and hat.
They go back to the ship. As Lyn has continued to insist that she cannot show up at the concert, Tryst offers her the privacy of the bridge to make her call. Tryst, Leenik, Bacta and Tony then sneak out of the ship and into the escape hatch where, Tryst assures the others, “The acoustics are perfect.” After smoking a clove death stick and listening to mood music, Lyn summons her nerve and makes the call.
A pink Zeltron appears on the screen and in a sultry voice, Lyn purrs, “Hello, Princess.”
There are a number of side characters who interact with our PCs in this episode.
- Johnny Appleseed/George Lucas (two-headed Troig who deals in death sticks during the day and contraband at night)
- Irving (tries to sell death sticks to Lyn)
- Framboise, one of the two heads of the two-headed Troig at Guns Guns Guns 2
- Princess (appears on screen)
This episode is a little slaphappy.
The Mynock crew sets down on Mandalore, and pretty much just shops. That's practically the entire episode.
- This episode sees the introduction of both Framboise and Dontrice, two shopkeepers on Mandalore.
- Fond nicknames for Leenik include "Braniac" by Tryst, and "Space Idiot" by Bacta.
- Tryst declares, "I can read. It would be so ridiculous if I couldn't read. I can read. " Leenik tries several tests to determine if this is true. He concludes that he has only proved that Tryst can hear.